Out With a Bang: Farewell 2015!

Life Updates

2015 has been the toughest hurdle to jump over; everything was thrown at me with so little time to prepare for it and I can’t bring myself to accept that I’ve survived it. (Just about)

The year began with hospitalisation and a new health condition: pancreatitis. Over the course of 7 months this developed into Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction. (SOD) Now, my doctors are so baffled by my health conditions, they’ve put me under the care of another surgeon. So that’s put me under the care of two surgeons, a gastroenterologist, a pancreatic specialist and a laparoscopic surgeon over three years. I really do get around. Thankfully, by God’s grace, I am pain free and have been since being discharged from hospital at the end of November. I’m hoping it’ll stay that way, too.

I also said goodbye to people I thought I couldn’t live without. I embraced new friendships and was reminded what love felt like. Ultimately, I loved and I lost. 87% sure that’s a song lyric.

I exceeded every expectation I, and many others, had of my success both academically and personally. I was nominated for four blog awards in the space of one year, with 12,600 views and 7,200 people clicking onto my blog around the globe. Oh, and now 2 blogs to my name. I managed to bag myself a 2:1 in my first year at university despite being hospitalised 11 times during the year. Flippin’ crazy.

Finally, I am blissfully and disgustingly happy. Being surrounded by wonderful parents who’ve supported me since forever has been the only thing to keep me going: their invaluable advice and commitment to my happiness has been something I’ll never take for granted. For the rest of my time on this planet, I’ll never be able to thank them enough for everything they’ve sacrificed and done for me. I love you both incomprehensible amounts and hope I’ve done you proud so far. The friends who’ve stuck by me during my best and worst hours are all godsends I’ll be forever grateful for, too.  I stumbled across a job which I’ve fallen utterly in love with: my manager is the nicest (and sassiest) human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of working for and the people I work with give me nothing but joy every day. Everything has fallen into place.

I’m incredibly lucky to be alive, as healthy as I can be and to have everyone I love around me. Thank you to everyone who joined me on the journey I took this year and to everyone who stuck by me. I’ve learnt the hard way that those who are destined to be in your life will always be a part of it, and you, and will find a way back to you no matter what. Those who never had the intention of sticking around, or who walked away – well, they’re a lesson learnt for the future.

Here’s to a great 2016. And never looking back.

Anisah x

– Sue Zhao

Quotes

“I regretted not being kinder while we still had time. That was all. I wish I had told him he was worth the Earth and the stars and that I loved him. I wish I had reminded him of it every day and night. That’s the thing. You always forget to remind people when you think you’ll have them forever.”

Dancing in The Shower

Quotes

Before I met him, I would dance in the shower. When he was in my life, I would think about showering with him. After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry. When I got over him, I showered so quickly, there was no time for dancing, fantasies and tears. Someone can invade the smallest part of your life, you won’t even realise it until you dance in the shower again and wonder why you ever stopped.

For Mustafa

Original Poetry

I’ll sit in the graveyard,
And plant flowers by your stone.
The tears won’t stop, no matter how strong I thought I could be.
I loved you like you were blood, I didn’t know any different until I was older
And even then,
I didn’t feel any different.
You were made of the same blood
As us
And I felt something in me
When you died that day.
I felt my heart crash against a lamp-post
And not even the airbags could save me.
I cried for days, weeks, months.
It’s been a year or so since you died
And I’m counting down the days
Until your next anniversary,
So we can all sit and remember how
Incredible you were.
A man of so many achievements
And accomplishments;
A best friend, loving and loyal.
A father, protective and affectionate.
An uncle, doting and wonderful in every way.
I pray that God will protect you,
His brave angel now.
Your strength and power,
Determination and fighter’s spirit
Will live on in our hearts
Until we meet again.
May God rest your soul

Lust in Love

Original Writing

I hope you remember all the good that came out of us. I think it was love, it certainly wasn’t lust. Lust would’ve been the taste of your lips in the moonlight, but I loved the feeling I’d get deep in my stomach when I’d trace my thumb over your bottom lip. I loved the brightness in your eyes after I kissed your fingertips. I don’t think lust covers that.