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World Mental Health Day 2015

Mental Health Activism & Awareness

A couple of days ago marked World Mental Health Day, a day of showing awareness and support for those suffering from mental health conditions. As an anxiety sufferer, I believe mental health is grossly belittled and not enough is done to support those who have to live with harrowing mental health conditions.

It took me nearly two years to fully understand what I suffered from. Having both general and social anxiety is a pain in the bum; it affects literally every part of your life. From getting on public transport to walking into a doctor’s waiting room, and even walking into a room full of family and friends, it’s a dreadful thing to live with. And that’s just the social aspect! When my therapist told me the feelings I was suffocated with on a daily basis were related to anxiety, I was confused, scared and ashamed. I didn’t tell anyone for months, not even my parents or family. In my head, anxiety was a weakness and I was simply a weak person who couldn’t control her emotions.

The first person I told was, at the time, my best friend. He helped me through the worst periods of anxiety and rescued me when I felt like I was drowning in my thoughts. Having someone there by my side whilst my brain exploded into a million thoughts was a blessing. In fact, without him, I would not be sitting here today; he saved me from myself. Anxiety in a nutshell is overthinking every little part of your life until, to use the cliche phrase, a molehill becomes a mountain. You end up worrying over everything, thinking you’ve done something wrong or there’s something wrong with you; you feel like no one will understand what you’re thinking and in most cases, sadly you’re right. Not many will understand you. But it’s finding the support systems and networks out there to help those who feel completely isolated by their conditions which is so imperative. The fact that many people feel the need to see professionals privately is absolutely absurd and a complete failure of the government in supporting their vulnerable citizens. The idea of someone, or someone’s parents, paying £70 for a professional to help one through an ordeal as traumatising as their own psychological disorder is shameful. No one deserves to be given the ultimatum of private professional help or being dismissed onto a waiting list.

I’ll ask you a question: if a cancer patient, or a terminally ill patient was told they needed to wait to seek treatment for their condition, is that considered acceptable? No. There would be a public outcry at the injustice of forcing an unwell patient to wait. So, what makes mental health any different from physical health? We may not be hurting physically, but we are hurting mentally. Cries of pain can come from within, unnoticed by others. Mental health is JUST as important and life-threatening as physical health. I suffer from both myself and can confirm that my physical suffering, which has been rather intense and at times, unbearable over the past three years, was just as painful as my mental suffering. So throwing someone under the carpet with the insincere promise of a “waiting list” is pathetic.

More needs to be done to support mental health sufferers. More needs to be done to help sufferers come to terms with what they have, so they can move forward and control it.

Right now, it’s explicitly clear that the government has failed us. Now’s the time to make a difference, with or without Cameron’s help.

Liebstar Award!

Original Writing

Having spent this week recovering from another attack of pancreatitis, I was overwhelmed to find that Star of Persia had nominated me for the Liebstar Award! Please please please check out her blog as it’s fascinatingly intellectual; her pieces are a great read! This is the second nomination I’ve had since starting my website, so bear with me whilst I fangirl a little at being nominated.

I understand there are a few rules to this award, so here they are:

1. You must include a link to the person who nominated you for this award

2. There are certain questions put forward to the nominee which require answering

3. You are required to nominate up to 11 bloggers

4. Put forward 11 questions for those who are nominated by yourself

Here are Star of Persia’s questions put forward to me!

For what reason did you begin to blog? 

I’ll let you into a little secret; it was never my decision to set up a blog! My colleague at the time helped me set up a WordPress blog, telling me it would boost my google ratings and make me easier to find, if one was to search my name on search engines. I went through with it after I uploaded a few of my pieces and was rewarded with a warm reception. Since then, my website and I have been inseparable 🙂

Three words to describe yourself and why? 

Compassionate. Ambitious. Dedicated. If I care about someone, I make sure they’re happy no matter what. I make sure they’re aware of how loved they are; even if they’ve wronged me in anyway, I’ll forgive them. I also strive to achieve the life goals I’ve set myself; I intend on teaching abroad and I’ll do whatever I can to help make it happen! Lastly, I’m dedicated; to my degree, to the ones I love, to my blog and to my career.

Favourite place of all time?

I have to break the rules slightly and give you two favourite places as I can’t possibly decide between the two! I visited Amalfi, Italy last year and the town was beautiful. One of the best holidays I had ever been on; I had a lot going on back home in London and Italy was the perfect retreat to get my head straight. The people were lovely, the food was exceptional and the views were like no other. Highly recommend! My second favourite place has to be the Saatchi Gallery in Sloane Square, London. I visited it recently, this July, and had the most amazing time; having been three times already, the gallery never fails to appeal to the artist within me. It’s inspiring to say in the least. I also had exceptional company that day, which made it one of the best visits to Saatchi. I see the gallery as a place where social inequalities meet modern art and it never fails to fascinate me.

Foods I couldn’t live without?

Probably any kind of chicken. I’m a chicken girl. Anything chicken related

Favourite person and why?

My best friend is probably my favourite person. I only met her this year, in May actually, at work, and since we’ve started working together she’s been the one girl I couldn’t possibly live without. She’s been by my side through all my ups and downs (the latter of which there have been many, recently) and she’s the kind of person who’ll show up at my house one day after work and instantly make me feel better. We spend most of our time together and we’re off to Paris this Friday ! I adore her; she brings out the best in me and tells me everything as it is.

Favourite books? 

MY FAVOURITE QUESTION SO FAR.

(a) Wide Sargasso Sea – Jean Rhys (It fills in all the gaps in Jane Eyre)

(b) The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald (Not only does the author explicitly portray life in 20’s, with it’s social class divisions and inequality, but it also takes us on a journey of a man who would do anything to be reunited with the one he loves.)

(c) Poppet – Mo Hayder (One of the most terrifying psychological thrillers I have ever set my sights on. The novel questions everything you know and kept me up for weeks)

(d) Lullabies – Lang Leav (My favourite poet; she’s contemporary, sexy and edgy: exactly like her poetry. Her book pretty much retells the journey she went on when she fell in love and lost love, too. It’s very hard not to relate to the poems she writes, with such raw agony and emotion. One of the very few books which inspired me to write poetry and shaped the way I look at society today)

(e) Lament – Maggie Stiefvater (I was a 14 year old when I first read this book, and I’ve actually started re-reading it again. This was the first book in which I fell in love with one of the protagonists and felt what it must be like to indulge in a tragic love affair with someone you couldn’t possibly have.)

If you had once chance to do anything, what would it be?

Travel back in time. For one, I would change the person I was growing up. Looking back on my time spent in high school, I was controlled by a dictator-like authoritative figure or two who made my life a living hell. I was bullied beyond belief, and if I had the chance to, I would go back and stand up for myself. Secondly, if I could go back in time, I would stay the hell away from the people who I’ve now painfully lost; the people I’ve had to sit back and watch walk out of that door, never to return. Pain makes you grow as a person, but it hurts like a bitch.

Activities I enjoy? 

– Reading, although that might be a given. I’m forever being inspired by authors and the way they articulate their morals and life stories through protagonists.

– Writing, again possibly a given. Writing, for me, has been a form of therapy. It’s helped me come to terms with the health problems I have and the losses I’ve gone through. Turning someone or something into literature is quite possibly the best way of destroying them.

– Painting. I’ve intertwined this with my poetry and made a little scrapbook come art portfolio in which my inarticulate thoughts found themselves completely explicit on paper.

Biggest pet peeve?

Selfishness. I absolutely despise people who think their problems are bigger than anyone else. It’s another form of ignorance. I’ve come across too many people in life who think they’re the only ones who have suffered. Pathetic.

One thing I want to bring to people/the world’s attention? 

Inequality. This branches out in so many ways; sexism, racism, gender inequality. If we learn how to tackle inequality, the world will be a peace and there would be no violence, no murders and deaths of the innocent, no genocide and no terrorism. Not enough is being done to protect those in the firing line; those vulnerable to attacks which so often go unnoticed in the media. Of course the media is our worst enemy; we don’t see what THEY don’t want us to see. Once a majority, instead of minorities who get silenced for speaking out against oppression, speaks out against the inequalities of society, we can move forward. Until then, we are trapped in a  limbo of wanting to fight for our freedom but not having the manpower or the tools to do so.

If someone asked me for one piece of advice, what would it be?

Don’t look back. Ironic, considering I would love to go back in time. Move on, move forward from the person or people holding you back. We are worth so much more than the treatment we receive from the ones we hold closest to our hearts. I’ve been so deceived by people who I thought were positive influences in my life. Life is one big lesson, and we can only learn from it.

Now for my nominations! I nominate:

Sweaterk 

Shreya24x7

Ivebeenthere98

Khud Guzini 

The questions I put forward to you all are:

  1. What is your blog about?
  2. Why did you set up a blog?
  3. Where are you from? (not a stalker, I promise. I have no idea where half my followers are from!)
  4. Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
  5. Favourite book?
  6. Favourite blogger?
  7. Who is your role model in life?
  8. If you could travel to one place, where would it be?
  9. What is your blogging goal? Whether it be followers, views, subscribers etc
  10. Choose one word to describe yourself, and give a reason why.
  11. What is your most embarrassing moment?

I apologise for not uploading the questions the first time round! I completely forgot. I hope you enjoy picking your brains as much as I did whilst answering these questions.

Thanks once again to Star of Persia for nominating me.

Have a fantastic bank holiday!

Anisah x

I Am Me, at Eighteen

Original Writing

Likes boost our self-confidence and naked pictures prove our love and desire for one another. We accept a love we think we deserve – perks of being a wallflower, no? Girls follow the intense beauty rituals of a wealthy, sickly sweet inspirational figure in an attempt to look good, no matter the cost. Boys will follow vigorous exercise rituals in an attempt to achieve that perfect body. But who defines ‘perfect’? There is no such thing as perfection and there is no stopping us once we reach our goal, because we are driven by obsession.

The art of communication is lost because we’re too busy looking at our phones instead of each other. Facial expressions are replaced by emojis. Love letters replaced by sexts. As our generation develops and progresses on, we lose the values and virtues of the previous ones, the ones we ought to hold most dear.

I miss being a child, do you know why? I didn’t know what pressure was. I didn’t have to look good for him or her. I didn’t have to adopt a certain character to fit in, nor did I have to conform to anyone or anything. The only stresses I experienced were deciding what game to play with my dolls that evening. Although I am incredibly proud of the person I’ve become, the writer I’ve become and, hopefully, the future poet I will become, I miss being in touch with my naivety and youthful happiness/negligence. Mental health issues were a myth to me. Love only existed in fairytales, and heartbreak was non-existent.

Growing up is tough, and I can admit that still, at the age of 18. But luckily I can also say that, at the age of 18, I have already made it. I have accomplished what I never thought possible.

I am exactly who I want to be. And I am not a product of my time or society’s offspring.

I am me. Anisah. 18. Somewhere between an artist and a writer. And a poet.

18 Things Learnt by 18

Original Writing

1. The world is your oyster. Travelling will teach you more about yourself than you ever thought possible.
2. You will fall in love too quickly and fall out of love too slowly. If love was easy, everyone would be falling and it wouldn’t be unique, terrifying, horrifying and beautifully life-changing.
3. The only way of knowing who your true friends are is by waiting to see if they stay. If they leave, they weren’t made for you and are an invaluable lesson for the future.
4. Standing in the middle of the street, gazing up at the sky, filled with contented sighs and happiness does not make you weird. In fact, do it more often – it centres you.
5. Reading books is the best way to explore the hidden depths of yourself. I once admired writers and their ability to spill thoughts, tears and fears onto paper and turn it into poetry and/or prose, now I am one of them. I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for my extensive library of prized collections.
6. Read poetry. Even though I’m still young, I opened myself up to poetry and let it consume me. And I couldn’t be more in love with it.
7. Write letters. To friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives. Nothing says ‘I love you’ louder than in your own handwriting.
8. Listen to your elders. Their wisdom is so easily overlooked as a result of them getting older, less agile. But their wit and wisdom get progressively stronger and more valuable as we grow older.
9. Dance. Like there’s nobody watching. There’s nothing more liberating than expressing emotions through body movements.
10. The media is not your friend or ally. They will tell you what they want you to hear. They will not always tell you the whole truth. They will most likely be biased. Remain open-minded or else they will subtly and effectively manipulate you.
11. Size 0 does not exist. Underweight is not sexy, so eat your food. Don’t skip meals in order to control your weight as you’ll end up doing more harm than good. Smoothies don’t make you skinny. Chocolate is your friend.
12. Watch every sunset you possibly can. They will most likely either remind you of everything good in your life or remind you of someone.
13. Faith will empower you. Religious or not, having faith in someone or something will give you immense strength.
14. The world does not revolve around your phone. Pay more attention to the people around you than the latest trends.
15. Let people finish their sentences. I’ve noticed that we, including myself, have a habit of interrupting each other before one has even finished what they were saying; slow down and listen!
16. Treat people with the respect they deserve. If they disrespect you, remain civil, but they do not deserve your respect. That is to say, do not disrespect them either.
17. Honesty. Being truthful is invaluable. How can you demand respect if you lack honesty?
18. Positivity. Seeing the good in everything and trying to remain as happy as possible completely changes your life and outlook on it. We can choose happiness or we can choose negativity. But which will we inevitably benefit from?

– Erin Hanson

Poetry

…you are all the books you read,
And all the words you speak,
You are your croaky morning voice,
And the smiles you try to hide,
You are the sweetness in your laughter,
And every tear you’ve cried,
You’re the songs you sing so loudly,
when you know you’re all alone,
You’re the places you’ve been to,
And the one you call home,
You’re the things that you believe in,
And the people that you love,
You’re the photos in your bedroom.
And the future you dream of,
You’re made of so much beauty,
But it seems you forgot,
When you decided that you were defined,
By all the things you’re not.

Not