03.07

Uncategorized

Silence speaks volumes,
as does a blank screen,
hollow eyes
and an empty heart.

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Happy Birthday, Dad!

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Whilst many will be celebrating Christmas today, I’ll be celebrating something just as special to me – my dad’s birthday.

God has clearly touched me by giving me the father I have. Many of my friends and family always notice how quiet he is (and question how he could be related to someone as annoyingly vocal/loud as me) but very few have seen just how exceptionally compassionate he is. The most beautiful and heart-wrenching thing is I can read my father’s eyes like a book. Whatever emotion he is feeling, I can see it in his eyes. When I was lying on a hospital bed earlier this year following a health relapse, I saw his pain. When I got the acceptance letter of an unconditional offer at my dream university this year, I saw his overwhelming happiness and pride.

My dad’s soul is so precious. The love and care he has for so many people astounds me, and it never relents. He has sacrificed so much for me, so that I can live a good life, a happy life, and I know that no amount of money or material gain will ever amount to how much happiness he brings to my world.

And I will do everything in my power to one day give you the blessed life you’ve given me. Everything I do, I’ll do to make you proud. Because I am you, just as your spirit, passion and fire lives within me.

There aren’t enough words, or even the right words, to tell you how much I love you, papa. Thank you for everything. I hope 2017 brings you the happiness you deserve and more, because no one deserves eternal peace and prosperity more than you do.

A x image1

University & Health Update (25th Nov)

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Firstly, I think an apology is in order; I haven’t been blogging for weeks now and I don’t think I will be for a few weeks at least. (I’ll try my best)

Having spoken to my lectures at university, we came to the conclusion that a year off to focus on my health is what’s best for me. Considering my health was deteriorating over the most crucial period, coursework deadline season, I couldn’t afford to sabotage the second year of my degree by suffering in pain whilst writing essays. I’d regret not being able to write to the best of my ability and my grades would suffer. Nevertheless, I’m grateful my university have been so supportive and kind about my condition. Right now, my plan is to reapply for universities in September next year; it will be painful starting all over again but the courses seem incredibly exciting so I’m hoping it’ll be worth it! It’s exciting and nerve-wracking to be revisiting the application process again, this time on my own, but I’m looking forward to selling myself and showing them how far I’ve come.

Health wise, everything is still up in the air. After now having two MRI’s, an ultrasound, CT scans, endoscopies, endoscopic ultrasound and a specialised MRCP, we’re all hoping something might show up to shed some light onto the cause of the pain. I’m not expecting anything to show up as nothing has showed up over the last year! In this month alone, I’ve been admitted into hospital 3 times and I don’t even want to think about the number of times I’ve been taken to a&e this year. This year has been the toughest one yet with attempting to balance work and studying with my health. As the end of the year draws closer, I’m desperately hoping I can start the new year with better health and put an end to the ongoing abdominal pain.

The worst aspect of my confusing health conditions is the limited options of pain relief; with sphincter of oddi dysfunction, I cannot tolerate opioids which are, ironically, the best form of pain relief for abdominal pain. When I was taken to a&e last week, the doctors and my nurse were panicking with what they could give me so they opted for a drug which worked in the same way as morphine: pethidine. Bearing in mind that pethidine is used when women are going into labour, I was preparing for the intense wooziness but I was stunned at how strong it was. My mum found it hilarious, as did my charming nurse who kept peeking round the curtain to laugh at my delirious state.

So for the time being, we’re waiting on test results and consultations to decide what the next step should be. I’m not thrilled at the prospect of another operation but it may be the best option for me. It’s just such a shame that it’s come to this, after three years. However, I’m looking at things with a positive outlook!

A x

Proud to be Brown

Current Affairs, Uncategorized

“Not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims.” 

The sad fact is today I’ve found myself yet again justifying my religion and faith in the religion. It appears Facebook is the social platform on which everyone believes they’re a politician when in fact, they’re ignorant, racist  members of society who use a tragic event such as the Paris Attacks of November 13th 2015 to reinforce their discriminatory ideologies and thoughts. From seeing a Facebook page named “Ban the Burqa” to hearing people wishing to bomb the entire Middle East including civilians, I almost reached wits end.

But then I realised something: I’m proud to be a Muslim. I’m proud to be brown. People have a glint of awkwardness in their eyes when they pass a Muslim such as myself since the events which unfolded in Paris and that inspires me to never lose faith in Islam. Islam does not promote violence as CNN once claimed. The main principles Islam advocates are peace and love amongst humanity. Where in the Qur’an does it allow the murder of innocent men, women and children? Where does it say that inciting terror will reveal the path to Paradise? Nowhere.

Furthermore, I am outraged and disgusted at people asking for all Muslims to apologise for the attacks in Paris. Yesterday, people began to unite against hideous sweeping accusations such as above. All Christians aren’t made to apologise for the existence of the terror organisation KKK. All Germans aren’t made to apologise for the Second World War. So why are all Muslims expected to apologise for acts of incomprehensible violence which they explicitly condemn, when IS and other terror organisations represent less than 1% of the 1.57 billion Muslims on this planet?

The Paris Attacks haunt Muslims as a reminder of what we’re being associated with. We, too, have shed tears for the French loss. Tears for the deceased. Tears for humanity.

Let’s pray for World Peace.

“Au nom de quoi?” 

One Lovely Blog Hop

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Awake Dragon

About two weeks ago I was informed by the engaging Cheryl Fassett of Catching Fireflies that she has nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Hop!

Yes, this post in response is a little late. I’m sure this is a broken record at this point – life got in the way: family time, moving, work, writing, etc. But whatever, I’m writing it now, and am flattered to be nominated for this! It’s also been a lot of fun checking out all of the other nominated blogs out there.

The rules for One Lovely Blog Hop are as follows: list 7 interesting facts about myself and nominate 10 other blogs I find awesome to join the blog hop.

So first, 7 interesting things about myself:

1) I actually finished my first novel at 14… whether or not that manuscript could actually be defined “good” or worth anything is another question.

2) I have four…

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Nostalgic deception

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Hello nostalgia,
Suck me, bleed me dry
Into thinking absurd thoughts;
Such as
“He might have cared about you”
And
“He could’ve loved you.”
The places we first met
First kissed
First made love.
That feeling of hollowness,
Like your soul
Is an abyss
Of blind destruction,
It gets into your bones
And fucks you over.

The Greatest Addiction

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My parents did their best
to warn me
against
drugs
and intoxicating
substances.
But they
failed
to warn me against
an addictive drug
in the form
of a beautiful
human
being
with a contagious
smile and
light blue
eyes
speckled
with hazel.